A journey to being a mother and pursuing a PhD

I am a mother to a four-year-old, although when I started my PhD my son was 14 months old. Having my son was one of the reasons that I decided to pursue my PhD, and since I was aware that studying for a PhD involves managing your own time, I thought I would get to spend more time with my son and at the same time continue my academic journey so that there would be no career break. 

Prior to doing my PhD, I was working as Knowledge Management and Advocacy Coordinator for Saving Newborn Lives (SNL) project, as part of Save the Children International at the Nepal office. While working for SNL, my passion for maternal and newborn health grew stronger and that’s when I decided to do my PhD in maternal and neonatal health. 

My PhD journey has been filled with mixed feelings so far. There were times when I’ve thought that I did a good job by deciding to do my PhD, other times I’ve felt guilty for not being able to give my full attention to either PhD or my son (especially when he is ill). At such moments I either share my feelings with my husband and/or close friends who always listen to me. There were times when I felt like I did nothing for weeks except for planning how to move ahead with my PhD, but thankfully my supervisors always understood my divided time commitments and kept encouraging me that I was doing fine. I think each time I have my supervisory meeting, it is the most productive day for me as I feel double or even triple the energy to study after the meeting. 

There are times when you must miss opportunities because you are a mother, but even if you are not a mother, you will miss opportunities due to other pressing commitments. So, on balance, I would rather take the flexibility of doing PhD which gives me quality time with my son creating beautiful moments and memories.

During the initial days of the pandemic, I had an opportunity to get involved with the HHS PGR Society along with four PhD friends. Through this society, we ran seminars on a Tuesday for postgraduate researchers (PGR) in the School of Human and Health Sciences (HHS) throughout the year, and we received full support and technical guidance from the school as well as the Students’ Union. Whilst everyone was either studying or working from home during the pandemic, my involvement with the society made me feel that I was not alone in this journey and I felt proud to be getting involved in running seminars for the postgraduate researchers while my son played in the background. I also feel lucky to have got to know other committee members of the PGR Society, who I am close friends with now and we reach out to each other for support and suggestions when needed as well as to share our stories. Recently, I have also been involved with the Public Health Society along with other PGRs in Public Health. 

During my PhD journey, I have also been involved with many virtual and in-person conferences as a presenter, organizer, as well as co-chairing the sessions. Plus, I’ve had the opportunity to be involved in various research projects within the school, as well as some teaching experiences. I am proud to have had several publications too during this period, including my recent publication from my PhD project.

I know having a child and pursuing a PhD can be challenging, but if you are passionate about what you do, then you can definitely manage it.
During this time, I learnt that:

- I need to manage my own time (not necessarily 9-5), and I need to motivate myself so that I balance my study time and family time.

- I need to have regular study time which does not have to be huge blocks of time as long as I regularly spend a few hours doing it (which I am currently working on).

- Sometimes when we take a break for two days, it tends to become a week; and the week becomes two weeks, so it is very important to come back.

- I take a time out: when it’s playtime it’s only playtime and not thinking about study, and when it’s study time it’s only study time.

- Quality is better than quantity. So, if I am not in the mood to study, then I do not spend time trying to do so, rather I take a break, although I have to keep in mind that I shouldn’t forget to come back. 

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